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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600779">Finding Balance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/myentropicmess/pseuds/verse2logy'>verse2logy (myentropicmess)</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordswithoutsense/pseuds/wordswithoutsense'>wordswithoutsense</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GOT7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Small Town, First Love, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Secrets, Self Confidence, Slice of Life, Trust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:42:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/myentropicmess/pseuds/verse2logy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordswithoutsense/pseuds/wordswithoutsense</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a long time, Jaebeom is finally sure of the person he is and of the things he wants in his life. To get away for a while from the suffocating city of Seoul, he goes back to the town of his childhood, and to his old house. He's going to spend the summer there and work as a part timer in a bookstore. However, the time has come to fight the ghosts of the past. Will he be able to face the people he, unintentionally, left behind?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>GOT7 Alive Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Finding Balance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi there! We're back with a new fic! We want to thank pettypeachie and tdystmr for organizing the GOT7 Alive Fest as it was really fun and it encouraged us to keep writing! We want to thank also our beta Resi for being so patient, kind and giving us useful advice!</p><p>I hope you'll enjoy reading this fic as much as we did writing it! ♡</p><p>Our prompt: The angle of the way you look at me, the silver lining of a word / I hope it all stays the same (1º).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Although it was still early in the morning, the sky was already clear and deep blue. There was a little breeze dancing around the town, and the waves of the sea went back and forward, slow and calm. People not yet out for the day, streets completely void of life. </p><p>It had been years since he had visited this, in that moment, ghost town. A shell of the place where he used to live. A reminder of his past but, at the same time, something alien. A paradox. </p><p>He gulped as he got closer to his old house. What was this sensation? Excitement? No. It was more like that anxiety before the freefall. The dreadful feeling that chokes you when you are about to cross paths again with someone you haven’t met in a while. </p><p><em>Don’t worry. You don’t have to meet anyone… At least, not yet.</em>
</p><p><em>Not for a few days.</em>
</p><p>It was curious how a place that used to be your home could turn into something strange. A ghostly place. A place full of good but also bad memories. A place to be scared of. </p><p><em>Well, you had your reasons to be scared.. Remember why you left.</em>
</p><p>He sighed. Life wasn't always easy, he knew that too well. He was just twelve when he had to leave with his parents. They wanted to protect him, and they did it the best way they knew how. They had said that their beautiful son had the right to feel how he wanted to feel, and to be whoever he wanted to be.</p><p>He was now a graduate about to start his post degree, and he was Lim Jaebeom, future music writer and producer. But he needed a break, and that was why he was there, at this small town near the beach. Big cities could be suffocating, and he needed some fresh air. </p><p>In addition, there was something he had been wanting to do for a very long time. Deciding to come here for the summer had been difficult, even when he knew it was the right thing to do. The anxiety, the nervousness… But he was ready to fight everything. He wanted to give explanations, to be heard by those he had left behind.</p><p><em>Unintentionally. I didn't want to. It just happened.</em>
</p><p>However, he felt unsure. Would they believe him? Would they understand? He may not even see them…</p><p>Jaebeom shook his head and kept walking, the wheels of his suitcase following him. He was almost there. He could already see his beautiful, old house.</p><p><em>Here we are.</em>
</p><p>He stopped in front of the house and looked at it for a long time. Just one floor, the paint of the façade peeling after all those years with the closed doors and windows… And yet, the same warm place he always remembered. There were probably things to fix, but he would manage to repair what he could.</p><p>Jaebeom couldn't help but smile. His eyes were full of nostalgia, his heart echoing the memories he had always treasured. The view from his bedroom, the sound of the rain against the window, the laughter of his friends when they were playing in the garden…</p><p>He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.</p><p>"Hyung? Jaebeom hyung?"</p><p>That was exactly how they used to call him. However...</p><p>"Is that you, hyung?"</p><p>The voice was real. It came from behind. There was even a hint of hope in the way it had been said. </p><p><em>It can't be. Not yet.</em>
</p><p>Jaebeom turned around and his heart skipped a beat.</p><p>"Oh my god… Hyung, it's really you!" The guy, staring at him, smiled as if he had just discovered a whole new world. "I knew it!"</p><p>He hadn’t expected the warm welcome nor the hug that came afterwards. Not after that long. It had been years since the last time he had seen them. Years had separated him from the rest. They had become different people with different experiences. That’s why Jaebeom didn’t know how to react. He seemed to suddenly forget the basics of human interactions. </p><p>“Yugyeom… What…” Yugyeom was still hugging him strongly, but he felt as if he was running out of air.</p><p>“What are you doing here, hyung?” The cheerful giant put his hands on his shoulders and looked at him as if he was trying to see the differences time had left on him. </p><p>“I…” Jaebeom didn’t even know where to start. It should have been easy to start a conversation with someone he used to know… Right? However, he struggled to find the right words. He didn’t even know if he was on good terms with Yugyeom anymore. He should be mad at him, right? Then, why was Yugyeom smiling at him this brightly?</p><p>Yugyeom watched him silently, expectantly waiting for Jaebeom’s answer.</p><p>Jaebeom gulped. It wasn’t that he had become a criminal while he was away, and running away from the law. It made no sense that he was feeling like this. </p><p>He was the same Jaebeom. At least… He felt like that. Everything was in his mind.</p><p><em>Right? </em>
</p><p>“I needed a break from Seoul…” Jaebeom almost flinched. Was he too straightforward? Did he need to give further explanation? After so long, he felt like he should have… But he didn’t know how…</p><p>“Really? You were living in Seoul? Ahh! It must be amazing living in a big city!” Yugyeom said. </p><p>“Oh, so… You stayed here?”</p><p>“Yeah! I’ve visited Seoul and other cities a few times, with my dancing crew, when we were joining competitions! They were really fun! We even won once!” </p><p>“Really? That’s great, Yugyeom!” </p><p>Yugyeom nodded. </p><p>The conversation died again, and Jaebeom was lowkey hoping that the other would break the ice once more. Yugyeom seemed to be his joyful self and not much had changed about him. At least, on the surface. Maybe, after today, they wouldn’t even cross paths again. Who knew. </p><p>There was, however, an invisible question darkening the atmosphere between them. Maybe Yugyeom was waiting for him. <em>“Ask about him, hyung,”</em> was written all over Yugyeom’s face. <em>“He was so important to you… Or were you lying?” </em>Jaebeom could even listen to the younger’s thoughts. </p><p>Or maybe he was just being paranoid. </p><p><em>Yes, that must be it</em>. Yugyeom seemed only curious... and concerned. And it was normal, especially after everything that had happened. Jaebeom was just being overly skeptical.</p><p><em>Afterall, it was a long time ago.  </em>
</p><p>“So, are you spending your summer here, hyung?” Yugyeom asked, bringing him back to present time. </p><p>“Yes… I got a part-time job here and I'm planning on checking the house...”</p><p>“Great! I hope I’ll see you around, then! The rest of the group will want to see you again!” Jaebeom felt a chill run down his spine. Yugyeom may be too optimistic. Well, he had always been like that. A person that could bring light to the darkest of situations. He had always loved that about Yugyeom. “Let’s go out for a drink sometime!”</p><p>“Yeah!” Jaebeom smiled shyly. </p><p>***</p><p>Jaebeom was flooded by memories while staying at his old house but at the same time he felt like a stranger in his own home. The place hadn’t physically changed, but there was something different from the image he remembered. He knew that it wasn’t possible because no one had lived there since his family had left, and only his aunt had visited to take care of everything from time to time. However, Jaebeom couldn’t shake off the feeling. </p><p>The days after his encounter with Yugyeom weren’t anything out of the ordinary. Except for the fact that he was living in a different town, of course It was a little unsettling considering the expectations he had before starting this new journey.</p><p>He didn’t consider himself to be an optimistic person. Of course he thought that there would be trouble. That some people would ask for explanations, others would still remember and glare when they saw him walking down the streets of town.</p><p>He wasn’t being pessimistic. That was the realistic outcome. Even if nothing had happened yet, he should be ready. Just in case. </p><p>Jaebeom sat on his bed and sighed. Old posters still decorated the walls of his bedroom, some of them discolored by the pass of time. A gallery of his own history. Pieces of entertainment he still cared about and others that didn’t age that well. All of those films, music bands, mangas and books still had something in common: the emotional attachment he had to them. The memories connected to his old collection of interests. </p><p>He lay down on the bed and looked outside. He was feeling tired and it was probably time for him to go try to get some sleep. But he knew it would be impossible for him to go to bed early, especially when he was feeling really anxious at that time. It was normal; tomorrow would be his first day at his part-time job. </p><p>Suddenly, something from his old bookshelf caught his attention. A dusty wooden photo frame. Jaebeom wrinkled his nose. The house definitely needed some deep cleaning. </p><p>He didn’t know why his eyes lingered that object despite the fact nothing was interesting about it. At least, on the surface. There was something special about it, though. It was turned around, the picture faced the back of the bookshelf. As if that picture contained something that shouldn’t be seen. Something cursed. Something forbidden. </p><p>And also… Something of dizzying uncertainty. </p><p>Jaebeom wanted to stand up and look at that picture. Unlock that memory like he was tearing off the wrapping paper of a present on Christmas day. Or maybe it was more of opening Pandora’s box. </p><p>He couldn’t do it. He still wasn’t ready. </p><p>Jaebeom sighed and switched off the light, wishing that he could lock that photo frame in the back of his mind. </p><p>***</p><p>With the image of the photo frame’s back still in mind, giving him an uneasy feeling, the time had come to start his new job at the local bookstore.</p><p>Jaebeom was absolutely nervous, not just because of everything he had found in his old room and the risks he was taking. His work was something he would surely like, but… he was feeling a bit insecure. He couldn't help but sigh while getting ready for his first day. Yes, he was now confident enough about himself, about who he was and what he wanted in life, but he still wanted to make a good impression. </p><p>He wanted everything to be a success.</p><p>He had loved books for as long as he could remember. His memories were full of happy and sad fairy tales, comics, manga, different kinds of novels... Jaebeom had always been known as a bookworm, and he always felt complete when having a book between his hands. Whenever he could smell the pages, see the ink creating magical words and drawings… There, he could always find a whole new world, feel all possible emotions, give life to the characters the way he understood and imagined them. </p><p>So that was it. Books were made of magic. He loved their magic and its manifestations. It was his second passion in life.</p><p>However, as soon as he went inside the bookstore, he felt his heart start to beat faster. It was beautiful, even more than he remembered. It was a little castle made of dreams, with long corridors between high shelves filled with books. They were organised by genres and authors, making it easy to find what you were looking for. The bookstore shined under faint, yellow light that made the place even more ethereal.</p><p>It was gorgeous. It was just perfect.</p><p>Beside the front door, his new boss was reading an old book behind an even older table. His eyes danced through the pages as if they were flying. </p><p>And, with the same speed, he looked at Jaebeom. He put a bookmark in the book and took off his glasses. </p><p>"Lim Jaebeom?" he asked.</p><p>The following things happened too fast for him to comprehend. A warm welcome, a happy boss and a few instructions about how to manage the place. And then…</p><p>Then, it happened. </p><p>His boss said his most reliable employee would show him around and teach him everything he needed to know. </p><p>His most reliable employee… happened to be <em>him</em>.</p><p>The person he wasn't ready to meet yet. The person he hadn't forgotten despite all of those years. The person portrayed in that dusty wooden photo frame.</p><p><em>Park Jinyoung</em>.</p><p>In person.</p><p>In front of him, Jinyoung's eyes filled with surprise that quickly turned into suspicion. </p><p>Jaebeom's heart ached. He couldn't say a word. </p><p>Their boss left, saying that he was going to grab some coffee.</p><p>And Jaebeom found himself alone in front of his old <em>friend</em>… The one that had meant the world to him.</p><p><em>The reason why we had to leave</em>.</p><p>It was as if that anxiety he had felt earlier had been a bad omen. His body had been warning him and preparing him for that moment. He knew that, as a small town, there would be a big possibility for him to cross paths with him. But before, it was only that… a possibility. It was a completely different story with Jinyoung standing in front of him, looking as lost and shocked as him. </p><p>Jaebeom was aware of the fact that he was kind of a transparent person. People close to him had told him that. It wasn’t something that bothered him much on a daily basis. However, in that moment, he wished he could hide the shock and surprise. Above all, he wished he could start a normal conversation with Jinyoung. Or at least break the ice. </p><p>Jinyoung was different. He had always been proud of his ability to act, to hide his emotions. At certain points of his life, he had even said he wanted to be an actor. Did he try to pursue that dream of his? What were his life goals? Jaebeom wanted to know about him. He missed the connection they had, as if their souls were in sync. <b>Soulmates.</b></p><p><em>You left, Jaebeom. </em>
</p><p>Jaebeom blinked. </p><p>“Hi.” Jinyoung's sweet voice awakened something in him. Feelings that he hadn’t been aware until that moment. Well, they had always been there, but he made the biggest effort to bury them and lock them away. A barely healed wound treated with a small band-aid. “Welcome to the team.” Jinyoung smiled. </p><p><em>He smiled. </em>
</p><p>However, Jaebeom couldn’t read that smile. Jinyoung wasn’t as much of an open book as him. He could have done that to maintain a good environment in his workplace. Getting along with his co-worker in a professional way. That smile didn’t erase the past. </p><p><em>Didn’t erase what he did.  </em>
</p><p><em>I want to talk to him. I want to go back…  </em>
</p><p>Jinyoung's eyes were now unreadable. No surprise, no suspicion left. Had Jaebeom really seen those emotions in his eyes? Had it been his imagination? He couldn't tell, not anymore.</p><p>Jaebeom fidgeted. He nodded and replied to him when it was necessary, even if most of the job explanations were white noise to him. He wanted to cut that superficial conversation, that tension between them. </p><p>Nothing happened, though. Neither during the following days. </p><p>Just plain and simple routine until <b>that day. </b>The starting point of a new chapter in his life. The junction between past and future. </p><p>***</p><p>Jaebeom got used to his part-time job fairly quickly. Even the presence of Jinyoung didn’t bother him that much, and became part of his new routine. It bothered him that their bond was reduced to a professional relationship, but… What did he expect? Things wouldn’t change from one day to another. Above all, when there was so much baggage to unpack. </p><p>It was strange how lonely he felt in his own hometown, though, especially when there were so many memories permeating that place. He wasn’t the kind of person who would start a conversation, not even with some random stranger at the bookstore, and even if he did that, he would surely feel out of place.</p><p><em>He really did feel lonely. </em>
</p><p>His new routine was nice, but he wished he could do something after work apart from house chores and visiting relatives.</p><p>Someone apparently listened to his prayers when Yugyeom entered the bookstore one day, when they were about to close. Even though he had been pleading the heavens for some company, at that moment he felt nervous. It still felt that a deep canyon was separating them.</p><p>“Jinyoung hyung!” Yugyeom cried and almost ran over Jinyoung, hugging him and startling the man in the process. Jinyoung acted as if he was annoyed, but there was a certain warmness in the glint of his eyes and pout. </p><p>“Yugyeom! What are you doing here? I’m working!” Jinyoung complained. </p><p>“But you’re about to close! Can’t I visit my hyung?” Yugyeom pouted and then looked at Jaebeom. He opened his eyes, surprised. “Jaebeom hyung! What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I… I work here…” Jaebeom said in a quiet voice. </p><p>“Really? What a coincidence! That’s great!” </p><p>Yugyeom looked happy, even hopeful. He may have thought that his hyungs had finally talked to each other after a long time. Or maybe it was his wishful thinking. Yugyeom may just be polite and happy to see them, and Jaebeom was just reflecting his wishes on him. </p><p><em>Or maybe he was just overthinking way too much. </em>
</p><p>“Well, I lied… I didn’t only come to visit you, hyung.” Yugyeom scratched the back of his head apologetically, and both Jinyoung and Jaebeom looked at him, confused. At first, people could think that Yugyeom was an innocent and gleeful individual. However, Jaebeom knew better. Yugyeom could be sly and as much of a prankster as Jinyoung was. Well, at least how Jinyoung used to be. “What if we all go out tonight?” Jinyoung looked as if he was going to object. “It isn’t a party, just… Have a drink and catch up! It’s been ages since the last time we’ve been together!”</p><p>“Yugyeom… I don’t think it’s a good idea…”</p><p>“Shhhh!” Yugyeom put an arm over his shoulders. “And you promised that we would meet while you were here!” He pouted. </p><p>Jinyoung sighed. How could he say no? Especially to Yugyeom, the younger and the one who knew better than anyone how to achieve his goals.</p><p>Yugyeom smiled brightly, and then he turned to Jaebeom. "You have to come now, too! I'm sure everyone will be happy to see you!"</p><p>Jaebeom opened his mouth, but he couldn't answer. He swallowed, nervous. Was it okay for him to go? Would he be able to tell them everything he wanted to say? All the things he had kept locked within himself for so long. All the secrets hidden inside his heart...</p><p>That he was sorry for leaving, for not being able to contact them… That he had absolutely missed them.</p><p>Slowly, as if he were afraid of his own answer, he looked Jinyoung in the eye. Was he okay with this? But he didn't show any emotions, he appeared calm and neutral. Then, Jaebeom looked at Yugyeom, whose eyes were almost a prayer. </p><p>"I think… I can. At least, for a bit," he said, his voice low.</p><p>Yugyeom was delighted. Jinyoung was still serious, taking some books to review them. </p><p>Jaebeom felt his heart racing.</p><p><em>Please… I need to put myself together. </em>
</p><p>***</p><p>The aura surrounding all of them was tense. Really tense. </p><p>Jaebeom had followed Jinyoung into a bar situated almost in front of the bookstore. The changing lights and the music were trendy, but there was still a classic touch in the decorations. Everybody wore daily clothes, except for a few nicer groomed people.</p><p>Jaebeom was nervous, too nervous. In fact, he felt almost stupid. How could he, someone who had grown into a confident person, feel this small, so intimidated facing his childhood friends?</p><p>Well, okay, the situation wasn't the best. Even though Mark and Youngjae had looked at him with surprise and shock, unable to decide which one was the best possible reaction, Jackson had frowned. There was something in his eyes that had made Jaebeom shiver, despite not showing it at all. He didn't seem so pleased with the <em>big</em> surprise, but Jaebeom couldn't blame him.</p><p>He had expected something worse, hadn't he?</p><p><em>I left without a word, without a single warning… No phone number. Nothing. We were so young... </em>
</p><p>Bambam, however, couldn't be happier about the meeting. His big smile was warm, comfortable, made of the purest feelings. He was really glad to see Jaebeom, and he didn't hesitate, not for a bit, when he screamed his name and caught him in a tight embrace.</p><p>But Jaebeom was still lost like a needle in a haystack. They started talking about things he didn't know about: their hobbies, what they liked, rumours they had heard… He felt an intruder, as though he didn't belong there. He remembered everything about his friends when they were kids. He knew what they used to love, the things they always talked about… Could they have changed that much? There were things in the conversation he did recognize, but also many unfamiliar topics.</p><p>His head was low, his eyes focused on his almost finished fourth drink. He would love to look at them, now grown up guys making their dreams come true, and be able to talk as if nothing had changed. </p><p>As if he had never left.</p><p>"So, Jaebeom hyung…" Jaebeom lifted his head, surprised to hear his name coming out of Youngjae's mouth. With a little smile on his lips, he was trying to make Jaebeom feel a bit more comfortable. "What have you done all these past years?"</p><p>"Not much…" He licked his lips, thoughtful. "I studied a lot… and then got accepted at Seoul university…"</p><p>"Wow! What are you studying? Did you finish your degree?" Yugyeom was suddenly really interested. The others were looking at him, too, but there was a sadness hidden between them, in their eyes… in their hearts.</p><p>"I'm about to start my post degree… I want to write music and to be a producer," he added. </p><p>"Well, I see life has treated you kindly," said Jackson with a bitterness in his voice impossible to ignore.</p><p>"Not that much…"</p><p>Jackson looked at him, frowning. Mark put a hand on Jackson’s knee, trying to calm him. "We all have our ups and downs," he said, in a futile attempt to make things better.</p><p>But they couldn't be better. They had a lot of unspoken issues, so many things they never got to say. The pain was there, floating in the air, caressing their skins and making them shudder.</p><p><em>A spinning top that is about to fall…  </em>
</p><p><em>A sense of insecurity…  </em>
</p><p>“At least, you could have spoken to us... An explanation…” Jackson said. His friends had the right to ask him because he had left them in the dark. Jaebeom still couldn’t help but felt attacked. Jackson’s words stung like a knife and his glare poured salt into the barely healed wound. “You left…”</p><p>Jaebeom felt his throat tighten, his eyes blinking away the tears not yet formed. During the first couple of years after he had moved, he had so many regrets. How many times had he wished he had given them their number—a number he didn’t even know at the time, by the way—, asked them for theirs, or at least said goodbye? But he didn’t have the time for it and, as years passed, all those wishes faded. If he hadn’t come back, he probably would have continued with his life avoiding this conversation.</p><p>But he had come back and opened Pandora’s box. He owed them an explanation. </p><p><em>The spinning top… wobbling…  </em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry…" Jaebeom said while looking at his hands. He was fidgeting and his friends were probably noticing that. He couldn’t stand looking them in the eye, but he also couldn’t stop the stream of words. Maybe it was the alcohol. “I should have at least said something before leaving… Or at least keep in touch...” He raised his head. The rest of the group was looking at him. All of them except for Jinyoung, who was looking away. His expression was unreadable. But he couldn’t stop talking despite the consequences. Jaebeom took a sip from his drink. He probably shouldn’t have done that. <em>Oh, well… </em>“I thought about it... A lot… While I was away…”</p><p>“Why didn’t you do it, then?” Mark asked. There was no accusation in his voice, just… pain? Longing? </p><p>“We shouldn’t talk about it…” Jinyoung said, confusing the words he was going to use and looking at him, a glint of something he couldn’t recognize there. Anger? Sadness? Was that a warning? Jinyoung’s eyes were making him dizzy. </p><p>The same dizziness he felt so many years before, every time he saw Jinyoung coming closer. </p><p>Jaebeom's heart skipped a beat.</p><p>“Was it because of us?” Yugyeom’s bright energy was slowly fading away. For the first time ever since Jaebeom came back, the guy looked… worried. That made his heart ache. </p><p>“No… I…" Jaebeom locked his eyes with Jinyoung's, as if he was trying to have a telepathic conversation with him. Maybe he was just seeing things. Maybe he should stop drinking. “It wasn’t your fault… It was because of me… Because of something I did… Well…” Jaebeom gulped, trying to undo the knot stuck in his throat. “Something about me that wasn’t accepted at that time, and that could get me and my family into trouble… That’s why my parents tried to protect what we had and give me a future… Out of here...”</p><p>His last words were almost a whisper, but the rest heard them. They looked more confused than ever. All of them, except Youngjae and Jinyoung. He had talked about that specific <em>topic</em> with Youngjae… Well… It was more like he had found out, and there was no point in <em>hiding it</em> anyways afterwards. </p><p>Jinyoung… </p><p>That was a completely different issue. </p><p>Jinyoung’s eyes were making him dizzy. </p><p><em>Again, and again, and again.  </em>
</p><p>Jaebeom was spinning once more.</p><p>He needed to get out of there. Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to breathe. </p><p>“But even so… You could at least have said something... You left us wondering, man…” Jaebeom almost flinched when he heard Jackson’s words, as sharp as a knife. “What kind of secret made you move to a different city… You didn’t have any problems here… Not even in high school… What did you have to hide so badly, Jaebeom?”</p><p><em>Hadn’t he heard the rumours? Doesn't he hate me? </em>
</p><p>“Jackson-” Youngjae interrupted both Jackson's words and Jaebeom's thoughts. </p><p>But Jaebeom… Well, he was already over the edge.</p><p>He wished, for a second, that nothing had changed. That he hadn't been the reason behind those rumours.</p><p>How many times had he hoped for everything to stay the same.</p><p>When Jaebeom felt tears in his eyes, he stood up. He needed to run away from there. He couldn’t tell them… Not because he didn’t trust them… It was all the alcohol he had drunk wasn’t enough to tell them. He couldn’t undo everything he had achieved so far. He couldn’t ruin it. </p><p>Jaebeom went to the bathroom and laid his head against the wall. He realized he couldn’t breathe. Was he really having a panic attack over that conversation? No… That couldn’t be possible. Not after everything he had built so far. Not after getting counselling and finally coming to terms with himself and everything he had lived through during his younger years. </p><p>Not after he had gotten that equilibrium he needed. </p><p>Not after getting his <em>security</em>.</p><p>He tried to calm down and wipe away his tears. The rest didn’t have to know he almost had a breakdown over that conversation. He would just smile and say that he had to go home. Yeah, that would probably work. </p><p>What he didn’t expect was that he would find Jinyoung in front of him, trying to keep his balance by leaning on the wall. </p><p>Jaebeom was speechless.</p><p>“Were you going to leave again?” Jinyoung slurred his words. He had forgotten how him and his friends used to joke about how Jinyoung was such a lightweight and couldn’t handle alcohol. “That’s too cruel, hyung.” Jinyoung tried to get closer and lost his balance. Jaebeom acted before thinking and held Jinyoung, his hands supporting his shoulders. He forgot the tense atmosphere between them, rekindling the embers of the bond they once had. Of whatever they had shared when they were just two confused teenagers. </p><p>“No… Jinyoung… I…”</p><p>“I can live without you, but…” Jinyoung’s eyes were shining, tears pooling in them. “Don’t leave without saying anything again, hyung… Cause that hurts so much…”</p><p>"I'm so sorry…" Jaebeom whispered, his face dangerously close to Jinyoung's. "I didn't mean to do that. A lot of things happened. You know, the rumours, the way people looked at me… Your parents… Mine… I didn't know what to do back then, I was just a kid..."</p><p>"You're a grown up now…" Jinyoung caressed his body with his brown eyes, unable to do otherwise. "But in so many years…"</p><p>"I was afraid… It was hard to understand what was happening. I didn't feel <em>normal</em>, or what others thought it was to be <em>normal</em>." Jaebeom sighed, feeling the warmth of Jinyoung's body through his shirt. "It took me a while to realize what I wanted. To understand that what I felt wasn't wrong or a terrible disease. That it was just me, and a different taste about… my sexuality. That people were saying bad things about me because they couldn’t see it that way..."</p><p>That was it. He had finally said it. Even if the moment wasn't the most appropriate one, he felt relieved, his heart light in his chest. </p><p>"So you are…" Jinyoung said, his voice low.</p><p>"Yes," added Jaebeom.</p><p>Would Jinyoung accept it?</p><p>"People here would have never understood… It's a small place," Jinyoung replied. "But I do. I truly do." He licked his lips and looked around, putting his hands in the pockets of his trousers and moving away from Jaebeom's hands.</p><p>Jaebeom's heart skipped a beat. He felt the same way as the years before. Suddenly, he was a kid again, just a smiling twelve year old kid that felt some kind of attraction towards a friend. He had wanted to try something, and the other didn't say no.</p><p>They had shared a really precious kiss.</p><p>A kiss they both would never be able to forget.</p><p>A kiss that had condemned them both.</p><p>They had been discovered. It was a small town. A lot of people were talking about it, disbelief and disgust in every single statement they made. They were judging Jaebeom. They said he <em>wasn’t a man</em>.</p><p>And so, Jaebeom's parents decided that it was best for their son to leave. To try to have a normal life away from there. To start from scratch. They left everything they knew and loved behind just to make their kid realize he was okay the way he was. That he was no less a man than the others just because he was attracted to the same sex. </p><p>It hadn't been easy, but Jaebeom could understand the sacrifice and the love behind that choice…</p><p>And Jinyoung's words, the fact that he understood it too, almost made his soul tear apart. </p><p>"It's just that I… that <em>we</em>," Jinyoung said, trying to correct his own words, "we've missed you, stupid hyung… A lot…"</p><p>Jaebeom gave him a sad smile.</p><p>"It was difficult, you know. I had trouble in Seoul, too, and counseling, and… I didn't want to hurt my parents…" He took a deep breath. "But I'm here, now… better later than never?" he suggested, speaking from the heart.</p><p>And then, absolutely out of the blue, Jinyoung smiled.</p><p>"It took you long enough…"</p><p><em>Too long. </em>
</p><p>"We should go back," Jinyoung said, pointing to the door. "They're worried, so…"</p><p>Jaebeom nodded. He knew this conversation was the starting point, along with what he had shared with the others. Though it wasn't even close to the end, he felt as if he still had a possibility to rebuild what he thought was lost. He would have to talk to them, one by one, since they were as hurt as he himself was, but he could do it. Slowly, but they were still there, listening, trying to understand.</p><p>Jaebeom hoped it was enough to try again. To have his old friends back.</p><p>"We should go back," he agreed.</p><p>And, in that moment, he found something in Jinyoung's eyes that left him speechless. </p><p><em>There it was. </em>
</p><p>The flame. The need. The yearning, shining inside his heart.</p><p>His eyes were a deep ocean full of secrets. His lips were a forbidden fruit he longed to taste. His little smile was a light that made his heart beat faster. And he, Jinyoung, was simply the most handsome guy he had ever met.</p><p>Jaebeom still remembered that only one kiss they had shared, the feelings it had risen… And in that very moment, he knew for sure he would never forget it, that his heart had been sure for years about one simple thing: he had always felt attracted to Jinyoung.</p><p>Or not just <em>attracted</em>. </p><p>He had always had feelings towards him. Feelings that were coming back right now, showing themselves clearly this time. That was why it hurt so bad.</p><p>Now, he understood. He knew he liked guys… or, just to make it clear, one guy in particular: Park Jinyoung. It hadn't been a teenager's whim. It had been real. </p><p>All those years…</p><p>"<em>Please</em>," he thought. " <em>Please, Jinyoung… I don't know if you feel what I feel, but I hope it all stays the same way it is right now, at least. The way you look at me… The silver lining of your words… I want them forever</em>."</p><p>***</p><p>Jaebeom was lucky. The next day, he didn’t have to work and he could lie on his bed, his cheeks red and his emotions dancing non stop. Last night, he had gotten to talk to Jinyoung. A blessing in disguise. </p><p>Or maybe not… </p><p>Having too much time on his hands also meant overthinking about what had happened the day before. It had been… crazy. Not in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that he would meet his childhood friends and, on top of that, Jinyoung. </p><p><b>The </b>Park Jinyoung. </p><p>Jaebeom covered his eyes with his arms and had to keep himself from chuckling. His emotions were a mess. His encounter with Jinyoung had been a rollercoaster ride. Even if they had been working together for a while, they never had the chance to <em>talk.</em> To <em>really</em> talk. Not even small talk. Well, it was more that... Jinyoung hadn’t given him a chance, and he didn’t have the courage to start a proper conversation. But that night… it had been so easy. It had taken a conversation with his friends and some alcohol for them to start talking. And it hadn’t been so bad. It was better than he had expected. </p><p>But that conversation had ended with a giant <em>Continue?</em> sign lingering in the air. </p><p><em>… And now, what? </em>
</p><p>Would he be able to start talking to Jinyoung normally? Well… what was considered… <em>normal</em>? Could he go and tell him “Hey, I was so drunk the other day that I think we should talk right now” or “Hey, now that we’re good, can we pick up where we left off?” He wasn’t sure. They could talk, of course, but he didn’t know how Jinyoung would be after that night. </p><p>With a sigh, Jaebeom got out of his bed and took a look around, his eyes gazing at the photo frame even before he realized what he was doing. </p><p>A shiver.</p><p>Past and future crossing paths. A turning point. </p><p>He took it… and looked not at the back, but at the front. At the picture.</p><p>Since he had come back, that photo frame had been like a lost thought in the back of his mind. No… It had been like a taboo, an idea he hadn’t dared to even think of. A door he hadn’t been ready to open. </p><p>But this time something shifted. Despite the hangover, going out the previous night had been a blessing in disguise. The little push he had needed to get over his past. To confront it and stop avoiding it.</p><p>At the front, there was a cute picture where he and his friends were kids, all together and smiling.</p><p><em>It wasn’t that bad, right? </em>
</p><p>He couldn't help but smile with tenderness. How would they be feeling today? Were they having an awful hangover, just like him? Jaebeom wouldn't know, but he wanted them to be okay. </p><p>And he wanted to know how they were feeling… after everything he had said.</p><p>Jaebeom put the photo frame back where it belonged, this time displaying those guys he'd missed so much, and got dressed. He felt as if a weight had been lifted. As if he could breathe easier. However, he still had a terrible hangover and, if something could help him right now, it was his favorite choco bread from the best cafe in town. </p><p>Not many people were there, just a few old ladies and gentlemen and some kids looking for a quick treat. He was waiting in line when someone gave him a soft pat on the shoulder.</p><p>Mark's smile greeted him as soon as he turned around.</p><p>"Got a hangover, you too?" he asked, his voice smooth like a polished stone. </p><p>Jaebeom nodded, and at that moment he noticed the person behind Mark. Frowning, Jackson didn't seem to be in a good mood. </p><p>"Hey," Jackson said, trying not to look at him.</p><p>Was he mad at Jaebeom? Had he done something the previous night that made him upset? He thought that he remembered everything related to the previous night, but… At that moment, he didn’t feel so sure about it. Jaebeom felt nervous, his fingers tightening on the fabric of his jacket. </p><p>"I needed some coffee… And choco bread," Jaebeom said, trying to keep the conversation flowing.</p><p>"Oh, so you still like that choco bread? You used to eat it all the time," Mark answered. "We're here for the coffee. It's better than ever, you should try a caramel macchiato!"</p><p>"And… the new choco bread with cream," Jackson added, trying to look as if he weren't interested in the conversation.</p><p>But he clearly was.</p><p>And there they were, talking casually. Jaebeom felt relieved and thankful. He wanted to ask them what they thought of last night, of the things Jaebeom had said, but he didn't want to ruin the mood. While the line was moving forward, they kept talking about different things: the new restaurant down the street, the cute flowers in front of the flower shop, how they wanted to try the new lemon pie from the bakery and invited Jaebeom to join them…</p><p>But then, Jaebeom got distracted.</p><p>Two old ladies were talking close by, and not exactly quietly. </p><p>Jaebeom looked away. He wanted to put his head down and make himself invisible. He hoped that it was only his head and that those old ladies weren’t looking at him. Yeah, that may be the case. He had just been paranoid.</p><p>"Isn't he that kid?" asked one.</p><p><em>No… Not again… </em>
</p><p>Jaebeom swallowed, trying to ease the tightness in his throat. The old lady’s words felt heavy on his chest. Breathing was getting difficult. </p><p>"Oh, he is. Why did he come back? His parents must be ashamed…" said the other.</p><p><em>No. They are not. </em>
</p><p>"I'm sure that's why they left…"</p><p>Jaebeom opened his mouth to reply, but it was dry and no words came out of it. He was tongue tied. He felt like a kid again. His nervous hands against his trousers, fists forming because of the rage. </p><p>His parents were proud of him. They wanted to protect him from those hurtful words.</p><p>And he was feeling vulnerable, even when he had changed so much.</p><p>He wanted to say all of that out loud all. But he knew they wouldn’t understand. An endless debate without conclusion. He would lose again anyways, and he didn’t want to start that war again.</p><p>"Oh, people are really nosey nowadays, don't you think, Mark?"</p><p>Suddenly, Jackson was in front of Jaebeom, frowning, and Mark was just beside him. Jaebeom didn't see them moving, but now they were in front of him and he couldn't see the old women.</p><p>As if they were protecting him.</p><p>Their presence and the words had made the ladies go silent.</p><p>"You know, people really like to talk a lot of <em>bullshit</em>." Mark looked Jaebeom in the eye and smiled. "What were we talking about?"</p><p><em>They are helping me. </em>
</p><p>Something inside him felt lighter, as if a big weight had been lifted from his shoulders. While he was away, he wondered if they <em>knew</em>. And if so, if they hated him. He assumed that they did. Maybe he had been unfair to them all along. Maybe their problem had been miscommunication. </p><p>"I have something to say." </p><p>Jackson, who had been looking at the ladies pretty seriously, frowning and determined, turned to Jaebeom and his face softened just a bit. However, Jaebeom was afraid he may want to know more. To ask about what the ladies were suggesting.</p><p><em>Here it comes... </em>
</p><p>"Give me your number, hyung…"</p><p><em>What? </em>
</p><p>"My… number?"</p><p>"How else am I supposed to complain about this and that? Let me message you. It's the least you can do."</p><p>What a way to ask.</p><p>"I think that's an amazing idea, Jackson! I want it, too," added Mark.</p><p>And anything could have made Jaebeom feel happier.</p><p>That didn’t make any sense. Jaebeom had assumed that Jackson was upset about something. That he had fucked up when they all went out together the previous night. </p><p>He <em>had assumed,</em> instead of <em>asking</em>.</p><p>Yeah, that had been the problem. </p><p>But it wasn’t too late. They had shown him that. Something shifted. Last night had been the big bang to create a new beginning.</p><p>Moreover, in a way, they had even defended him. They had interfered. And now, they wanted to keep in touch with him. They didn’t care about what the ladies had said, or at least that was what they showed with their actions. Or maybe they would ask later, but… It wasn’t important. They were still there, with him. They smiled at him. They wanted to keep talking to him.</p><p>He smiled brightly. </p><p><em>It's okay. </em>
</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>Both the guys saved his number, and as soon as they did, Jaebeom saw he had a new message.</p><p>In a group chat.</p><p>"What is this?" he whispered.</p><p>He didn't see the meaningful looks exchanged between Jackson and Mark.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Bambam: is this Jaebeom hyung? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Youngjae: welcome to the group! We finally got your number! </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Bambam: we need to seriously talk about that shirt you were wearing the other day, hyung! As a future designer, I can assure you that's the right thing to wear when hanging out… </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Yugyeom: don't scare him yet! </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Jaebeom couldn't help but smile even more.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Jaebeom: hi, guys… thanks for adding me. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>"So… What do you think about the caramel macchiato?" Mark asked.</p><p>"I think… It's a really good idea."</p><p>***</p><p>When he went to work after his day off, Jaebeom felt as if he was a kid starting a new year at school after the holidays. There was the possibility that Jinyoung had a different shift, but the thought didn’t make his anxiety fade away. Sooner or later, the meeting would happen and Jaebeom would have to face the situation… Unless he fled from the city or something similar. </p><p>But he wouldn’t run away. Not this time. </p><p>He felt he gained a new unexpected opportunity he shouldn’t miss, especially after seeing Jackson and Mark the day before.</p><p>Just his luck, Jinyoung was at the bookstore today. Of course he was there. Should he talk to him as if nothing had happened? Were they colleagues or friends? </p><p>The whole situation was giving him a headache. </p><p>Jinyoung looked surprised when he saw Jaebeom. He would even say that he looked happy, with a warm glow in his eyes that made his heart beat faster. </p><p>“Oh…” Jinyoung said, as he unconsciously drew invisible lines on a book with his fingers. “So… You didn’t leave…" His lips curved in a small smile. </p><p>“Why would I...?” Jaebeom asked. </p><p>Jinyoung stopped moving his finger on the cover of the book. </p><p>“After… The conversation… I drank and…” He looked away and held the book in his hands. Jinyoung couldn’t stop fidgeting. Was he… nervous? </p><p>“Of course not…” Jinyoung looked at him, and his anxiety resurfaced. At that moment, he was a high schooler again, too confused because of feelings he didn’t fully understand. An innocent teenager that still had so much to learn about the world. “I… I’m not leaving again.” <em>Please, don’t blush, Jaebeom. Get your shit together.</em></p><p>“Good.” Jinyoung smiled again. </p><p><em>God, I missed that smile so much. I want to hold him in my arms. </em>He thought. <em>But how do I reduce the distance between us? How do I continue? </em></p><p>But Jinyoung made everything <em>so easy.</em> Jaebeom felt at ease by the flowing routine with him. On top of that, it seemed that their relationship grew as days passed, starting with superficial small talk about how their days were and what they liked to do in their free time, and evolving into deeper conversations. Consciously or unconsciously avoiding what happened during <em>that night</em> or <em>their past together</em>. Jaebeom didn’t expect any of that. </p><p>He was curious, though. </p><p>He wanted to try, but he was afraid of the consequences. He didn't want to risk that temporary calmness. </p><p>Yugyeom would come and visit them from time to time, yet nothing of that night got addressed as if it were some kind of silent agreement. He was okay with that. He wasn’t ready to find out if they knew about the rumours and, if so, what they thought about them. He needed time, but he knew that summer wasn’t eternal anyways. This holiday would end someday and he knew that, when he went back to Seoul, what was unsolved about his past would remain like that. Everything would be reduced to an anecdote. </p><p>But his future wasn’t only in his hands. It never had been.</p><p>Something… Or <em>someone</em> could provide that plot twist that would change his life forever. </p><p><em>Youngjae</em>.</p><p><em>And his text. </em>
</p><p>Jaebeom was supposed to meet the guys at the beach in the evening, like Youngjae had asked in their group chat. He arrived earlier so he could walk for a bit, to feel the sand under his feet and the cold water caressing his skin. It was enjoyable to be there after finishing his shift.</p><p>He looked at his watch. It was almost time…</p><p>And then, when he raised his head, there he was.</p><p>Jinyoung.</p><p>They both sat for a while in the sand, their eyes on the sea, no words breaking the calm yet nervous atmosphere that surrounded them. Minutes passed, but the others didn't show up.</p><p>"They're late…" Jinyoung's low voice sounded gentle in the middle of the silence, cradled by the serene sound coming from the waves breaking on the shore.</p><p>Jaebeom nodded and tried not to pay attention to Jinyoung, who had turned towards him. He felt his intense gaze on his red cheek, on his whole silhouette. </p><p>Damn, he was so freaking nervous after everything he had realized during the past few days. </p><p>After knowing he still had feelings for Jinyoung.</p><p>"What's taking them so long..." Jaebeom hesitated.</p><p>They both knew instantly.</p><p>Their friends weren't coming.</p><p>They were alone.</p><p><em>Shit, Youngjae</em>.</p><p>It was a trap set to bring them together, somehow.</p><p>Silence fell over them once more. Jaebeom didn't know what to feel, what to say. There were so many things he could bring up, but he wasn't even capable of putting his thoughts together.</p><p>Everything in that place, on that beach, had Jinyoung's name on it, from the sweet, thin sand, to the brave waves and the afterglow in the horizon.</p><p>"You know, hyung…" </p><p>Jaebeom froze. Jinyoung's voice was almost a whisper. He could have sworn it had all been a product of his anxious imagination. But it was real, he knew, as soon as Jinyoung's next words left him with no air.</p><p>"I still remember it. I've never forgotten about our kiss."</p><p>Jaebeom kept looking at the sea while probably gaping like a fish out of the water. That was… unexpected. What could he say after that? He was at a loss of words. </p><p><em>Say something…  </em>
</p><p>Another wave crashed against the shore. </p><p>“Jinyoung…” Jaebeom started to say. His mind was foggy and couldn’t find the right words. Well, how could he reply when his own thoughts were a mess? </p><p>Jaebeom gulped. </p><p>“It’s okay… Sorry…” Jaebeom could even imagine his sheepish smile. Maybe Jinyoung thought that his silence meant that he didn’t feel the same, and that made his heart ache. That wasn’t true. After that first encounter and their night out… It was as if a bomb went off. He felt overwhelmed by the feelings that had been buried a long time ago. “I thought that after our last conversation, we…”</p><p>The feelings were there, but… </p><p><em>That’s the only thing that matters, right?  </em>
</p><p>He didn’t know how to continue. </p><p><em>You’ll figure it out… You always do.  </em>
</p><p>“No… Yes… I… Wait…” Jaebeom looked at Jinyoung, whose eyes glinted with a mix of guilt and confusion. “I’ve never forgotten about it… Or you…” </p><p>Jinyoung’s eyes widened in surprise and then looked aside. </p><p>“I thought that you didn’t want to see me… After that… And my parents…” Jinyoung sighed. “I understood why you didn’t even message me, but at the same time it hurt so much... You suffered so much because of me…”</p><p>“Don’t say that.” Jaebeom wanted to ease that furrowed brow. Jinyoung must have blamed himself for so long. However, while Jaebeom had been away, he hadn’t dwelled too much on that. His past had faded and Jinyoung along with it. He had omitted that part of his life and that made him feel guilty. If only he had talked to him, sent him a message at least… Something… “You didn’t have to do anything with it. You aren’t to blame for the things your parents did.” Jaebeom’s lips curved in a small smile. “Jinyoungie is Jinyoungie. You are your own person.”</p><p>Jinyoung’s smile was tiny, shy, but it gave Jaebeom the courage he needed to reach for his hand. Before grabbing it, he hesitated, though, not sure if it was okay for him to do that. </p><p>Jinyoung was the one to move further. He intertwined his fingers with Jaebeom's, and felt a shiver go down his spine, making him tremble. </p><p>Jaebeom felt it, too.</p><p>It was magical.</p><p>"I am who I am… And I know what I want," Jinyoung whispered, getting closer to Jaebeom, whose heart was racing too much. "I want to try something… If you'd let me."</p><p>Jaebeom nodded instantly. There was no way in the world he would refuse. Never.</p><p>"What?" he asked. His voice was so low, so stifled…</p><p>"I want to kiss you… again."</p><p>"Then do it."</p><p>No more words were needed. Their faces came even closer, their eyes locked in each other's lips. Their breaths intertwined and they felt that that moment should last forever. It was the new beginning they both had been waiting for. </p><p>Their new start. </p><p>Their lips melted and the only thing they could feel was how much had they longed for that sweet contact. Their hearts were in a race, in a Ferris wheel of emotions. Everything had been erased from their minds and they couldn't sense anything but the person beside them. </p><p>It was perfect.</p><p>The missing piece of the puzzle. </p><p>When their lips parted, Jaebeom felt overwhelmed. His first love was in front of him, probably as speechless and breathless as him. He didn’t know what to do next. He could only think about how cute Jinyoung’s rosy cheeks were and how he wanted to be closer. Jaebeom wanted to make up for all those years of uncertainty, regret and, above all, distance. He wanted to enjoy their new beginning to the fullest.</p><p>Jinyoung put his arms around him and hugged him tightly. As if he was afraid that he would disappear once again. </p><p>“Thank you…” Jinyoung whispered against his ear, giving him goosebumps all over his body. “For coming back.”</p><p>“I’m not leaving again…” Jaebeom said as he rubbed the other’s back with his hands. “I promise.”</p><p>“Good. I didn’t want to wake up from this dream.”</p><p>Then, Jaebeom felt how Jinyoung was leaning his head on his shoulder, warmness radiating from that point to his whole being. </p><p>He felt at home. </p><p>But the moment got interrupted when, suddenly, Jaebeom heard someone clapping in the distance. His heart jumped, scared that someone must be watching them. </p><p><em>Oh, no…  </em>
</p><p>They separated again and Jaebeom looked around.</p><p><em>Not again… </em>
</p><p>“Finally!” Jaebeom heard Jackson say. Jaebeom saw him along with the rest of the group approaching them. He felt relieved. </p><p>“Jackson?” Jaebeom asked. “What are you doing here?” </p><p>“You have to thank Youngjae,” Jackson said. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I tricked both of you… And the plan worked perfectly…” Youngjae said and smiled, smug. </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“Is that the only thing you will say today, hyung?” Yugyeom added and laughed. “Jinyoung really made your brain go short-circuit!”</p><p>“But… I don’t understand…” How did they find out? What did they know? To what extent? “Did… You know? How?”</p><p>“We didn’t tell you, but… We knew back then… First, because of the rumors, and then because Jinyoung hyung told us…” Jackson replied. Jinyoung’s eyes were guilty and looked away when Jaebeom moved to see his reaction. </p><p>“I’m sorry…” Jinyoung said. </p><p>“No... It’s okay… I…” Jaebeom scratched his nape. “I didn’t know… I…” He sighed. “So you knew all along? I… I don’t know what to say… I went away to avoid further damage and so you won’t hate me…”</p><p>“Hate you?” Jackson sat beside him and put his arm around him. “Why would we hate you?”</p><p>“The rumours and well... It was a different time and the town…”</p><p>“You are our friend, Jaebeom. That wouldn’t change this…” </p><p>Tears were forming in Jaebeom’s eyes. </p><p>The spinning top didn’t fall. It spun securely. </p><p>“Your happiness is what really matters. We love you, hyung.” Jackson smiled. </p><p>Jaebeom blinked and a tear ran down his cheek. </p><p>“Don’t leave again, hyung… We will be here for you,” Bambam said. </p><p>“Besides, we have to make up for all the years we weren’t together, hyung,” Yugyeom said. </p><p>A spinning top can’t find its balance when it’s static. If it stops moving, it will fall. But that same movement can also cause it to lose that precious equilibrium. </p><p>“Yeah,” Jaebeom said with a smile. </p><p>And even if that movement can disturb the balance, it’s worth it. </p><p>Jaebeom would keep moving. </p><p>He would keep living. Or...</p><p>"And so you know…" Jackson said, low, so only Jaebeom could hear it. "Jinyoung lives in Seoul. He studies there." He winked at him and Jaebeom couldn't help but smile.</p><p>"Who wants to grab something for dinner!?" Mark screamed, surprising them.</p><p>All of them said yes in unison. Jaebeom shared a soft look with Jinyoung.</p><p><em>They</em> would keep living. All of them, together. Forever.</p>
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